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January 07
I’m starting a new category here on the Newspeak blog for Colorado heterosexuals who rise to the high standards set for them by people like Focus on the Founder James Dobson: they’re heterosexual! Nevermind their other behaviors — they like straight sex, and might even be married! Here are my inaugural inductees:
1). Carrie McCandless, sexer-up of high-school football chode.
(no picture available)
2). David Mundy, Jr., fightfighter and fondler of teenage girls’ vurjeens.
3). Gregory Burr, former Basketball coach at the Monument Academy (pictured with his wife Sharalee above), who currently faces charges involving 10 teenage boys, ages 14 to 17, who have accused him “of regularly hitting players in the groin, exposing some to pornography, and pouring water on them in cold weather, according to court records.”
Straight Marriage for all, forever!
Posted by: darksandal in Heterosexual Hall of Fame | Permalink
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6 Responses to “Colorado Heterosexual Hall of Fame”
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Hazlehurst?
A man and a woman doin that kinda thing together… it aint natural!!
it’s gross! Now, punching your basketball team in their balls really hard, now that’s hot!
That look on the face of Gregory Burr gives me the willies. Evil!
I believe there was also a coach/teacher from Wasson a few years back that got canned because while allowing a female student to live with him and his girlfriend he fucked the student and word got out. Thank God, it wasn’t a male student. Thank God, literally.
I almost forgot….
My junior high band teacher, Willie Paraglia, got fired and had charges pressed against him for fondling and sticking his tongue down the throats of girls in the band, especially the drum majorettes. Word didn’t come out until I was in high school, Wasson (T-Birds!), and it turned out he was doing it the last year I was in band, the year I decided “fuck band, I wanna take more art classes.” Thank God he wasn’t into boys. Thank God, literally.
I remember sleeping with my football coach all through high school. Fridays after games we’d meet before he went home to the wife. I remember that weekend she was supposed to be out of town and I got over to his place after the game, we were fooling around and heard the garage door. Apparently she had missed her flight and driven back the two hours from the nearest major airport. Anywho, there’s nothing like getting shoved naked out the second story window of a house into bushes at midnight. Driving home across town in with no clothes on and thankful that you left a spare key under your fender. Then I made it in the house (I was 16 at the time) and down the hall without anyone seeing me until I started to turn the doorknob and my brother opened his door across the hall. Busted. But he never got the story as to why. Those were the days.