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2007 July : Newspeakblog.com

July 07




[NP SCOOP! Dig it.]

It seems like it took them forever, but the pastoral selection committee has selected a candidate to replace the fallen Ted Haggard as the senior pastor at New Life Church in Colorado Springs.

First off, here is a recap of what goes on in the Pastoral Selection Committee and what is needed to confirm the candidate for Senior Pastor.

From a New Life Church email written by Lance Cole:

As a reminder, here is how the selection process works. The Pastoral Selection Committee is responsible for researching, interviewing, selecting and presenting one and only one candidate to the Board of Overseers of New Life Church. With their approval, that candidate may speak in every service for up to three weeks. Then, the voting members of the congregation (those with a 2006 giving record) will gather for a meeting where each will be allowed to cast an up or down vote. A 2/3 majority is required to elect the candidate as the next Sr. Pastor. While we are not endeavoring to expedite this process ahead of God’s timing, nor are we in anyway dragging our feet, we are well ahead of the national average of 18-36 months that churches usually take to go through this transition.

So who is it going to be? The answer is Brady Boyd, an associate pastor from Gateway Church in Southlake, TX. From the pics I can come up with by Google stalking him he looks fairly straight and free of illegal drugs. Good lookin’, very pastoral guy.

Gateway Church:

Brady Boyd oversees a segment of the staff and ministries of Gateway Church as part of the Senior Pastoral Team, which includes Gateway Groups. He is also one of the primary communicators on the Gateway team, preaching often in the weekend services and to the leaders and ministry staff of the church.

Brady has a passion for training and releasing leaders. He frequently ministers in area churches and enjoys equipping leaders in the areas of prophecy, leadership, church health and small group ministry.

Before coming to Gateway in March 2001, Brady served as the Senior Pastor of Trinity Fellowship Church in Hereford, Texas. He is a graduate of Louisiana Tech University and has experience in television and radio broadcasting as well as sales management.

Brady and his wife, Pam, have two children: Abram and Callie.

Posted by: Non-Prophet in Uncategorized | Permalink 14 Comments


Picture_3

More at GoatTrauma.org.

In other news, the downtown Jamba Juice is closing—yet another downtown biz killed by terrible urban planning. Also, there has been a spate of counterfeit bills being passed on downtown businesses. Good for commerce! Good for America!

Posted by: Aaron Retka in Let's Win! | Permalink 7 Comments


Tonight, it’s the conclusion of the CC Summer Film Series, "Laughing to Death: The Comedy of War." Filmmaker Kevin Willmott is in town to show his film "CSA: The Confederate States of America." This faux-documentary about would could have happened if the South had won the Civil War was a 2004 Sundance Festival selection and was later picked up by IFC Films and run on HBO.

A discussion and Q&A with the filmmaker will follow the film.

CSA THE MOVIE

6:30 p.m., Armstrong Theater, free

Posted by: Redhead Hope in Things To Do in COS | Permalink Comments


Askxtremeheader

Dear Xtreme,
I really want to get a tattoo, but I’m not sure what’s cool these days. Chinese characters? Something tribal? Please help, I really need to impress the chicks.

—Want Ink

Deer Want Ink,

Shit, my ink is wicked. I find that we get tattoos for the same reason we do all kinds of shit like brush our teeth, clip our nose hair, inline skate… We do it for the Tang. With that in mind, make sure the ink you get will cultivate fields of broads. You’re gonna have that shit forever so each tattoo should bed at least 40 to 50 broads.

The key is to get something original. So tribals and chink shit is out of the question. Unless you’re black or oriental, duh! Me, I’m white so I got a white man’s tattoo—the Tasmanian Devil. I can hear you already, “But Xtremeandy, you said get something original. I’ve seen a million Tasmanian Devil tattoos”. Maybe you have, but have you seen him on a pair of inline skates doing a fakey-grindy over a dumpster? Well you have if you’ve seen my left ass cheek.

My second tattoo is hella deep. I drink a lot of Goldschlager/Slurpee cocktails. It gets you stupid drunk and the brain freeze makes you do dumb shit. Let’s just say I’ve run through more broads than James Bond. Some of which are of questionable character. I’ve gotten the crabs a few times in my life. It’s embarassing. I have to shoplift this shit called “Rid” from King Soopers to get rid of those itchy fuckers. They’re really gross. You can see their legs moving and shit. Anyway, they come with theses little tiny combs to comb out the dead crabs after you poison them. I’ve done this shit so many times I got a tattoo of a that little comb on the outer line of my pubic hair. Above that, in large, wicked gothic letters i got “NEVER AGAIN” tatooed. Guess what, since that tattoo I haven’t been infested.

I also have “Never Again” tattooed over my ass crack but that the story behind that one is none of your business, fag.

My last tat is a crucifix on my dick. Have you ever seen the Exorcist? You know the scene I’m talking about right? I saw that shit and thought to myself, “You know, when I nail broads it’s the same damn thing.” I call my dick the Exorcist now, too. Cuz when I’m up in ya’, I’m bangin’ the demons right outta you. It’s just an added bonus you get when I inevitably bang your girlfriend. I send her back to you a little less crazy. You’re welcome.

One Hate,
~XA

Dear Xtreme,
This totally only happened to me once, but last time I was having sex I couldn’t get hard. It was really embarrassing, even though the girl was really nice about it. How can I prevent this? And what do you say to someone in that sitch? I don’t want this to happen again.

—No More Soft Cock

Dear No More Soft Cock,

I can tell you’re a prick. You used the word “sitch.” Do you realize how gay that makes you sound? The girl was really nice to you because she didn’t have the heart to tell you the real reason why you couldn’t get hard. You’re queer as a Radiohead fan. She had the wrong equipment. It’s just that simple. Don’t get all bummed and shit. I know of at least one cool gay dude. Rob Halford. I ain’t down with all that queer stuff but Rob Halford is a faggot genius. Think about it—if you’re gonna dig boys why not front a legendary metal band? Every night you sing to a sea of confused, pre-pubescent, long haired, waifish boys who think you’re a god. They are also idiots who can be talkied into anything. There is nothing that smacks of “Darwin’s Waiting Room” more than a mosh pit. It’s fuckin hilarious every time. A bunch of pricks running around in a circle, slamming into each other. It’s usually better than the show itself. My favorite is when dudes who mosh try to make it sound so honorable. “Dude, when someone falls down you’re supposed to pick ‘em up and keep going!” Shut the fuck up! Just don’t run into each other in the first place and you wont have to pick anyone up. They act like it’s some kind of art form with rules and chivalry and shit. Here’s what it really is: A bunch of half wits, proudly displaying their sexual repression by ritually dancing around in a circle of virginal unity. How’s that for dropping science? A lot of you haters dont know how fucking smart I really am. Youll learn.

Shit, I’ve gone way off topic! All i was trying to say is that you couldnt get hard cuz you’re a fag.

One Hate,
~XA

Posted by: Aaron Retka in Ask Xtreme | Permalink 2 Comments


So this dude up in Palmer Lake wants to build a house in the country, only he can’t get a permit because access is too difficult for emergency services to the location.

No problem, he says - there’s a bike trail. So what if hundreds, maybe thousands of people, including many children, use the trail every day… so what if part of the charm of the trail is that it’s a bit of wilderness and quiet just where we all need it. So what if that area offers some breathing space for the local wildlife. I want my house where I want my house. So, couldn’t emergency vehicles just use the bike trail ? And if a few 6 year olds get mowed down by a speeding firetruck, well, that just comes out in the wash.

Only on the north side of Colorado Springs I guess.

Posted by: ceska holka in Uncategorized | Permalink 3 Comments



In Segment 48 of Springs Culture Cast, producer Craig Richardson takes a comprehensive look at this year’s Art on the Streets program.

Posted by: Klayton Elliot Kendall in CultureCast | Permalink 2 Comments


Tay Zonday, internet sensation…

And if you still haven’t had enough awesomeness here is a Rick Astley cover!

Posted by: Jeff in Celebrity Doubler, Music, Straight People Doing Gay Things | Permalink 1 Comment


The jets in the center of the Julie Penrose Fountain are working again. It’s really quite beautiful and refreshing!

Posted by: darksandal in COSsip | Permalink Comments


Teddy Eastburn, son of Kathryn Eastburn (former Editor of the Independent) and Ted Eastburn, died early Sunday morning of a self-inflicted gun-shot wound that may have been accidental, though they’ll probably never know.

There will be a full military memorial service for Teddy at 10 a.m. on Weds. morning at Memorial Park at the site of the Veteran’s Memorial near the velodrome.

All our deepest condolences to the Eastburn family and all Teddy’s friends.

Posted by: darksandal in Uncategorized | Permalink 10 Comments


One of the greatest directors of all time. Certainly my favorite. RIP.

Posted by: Klayton Elliot Kendall in Uncategorized | Permalink 1 Comment

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