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2008 August : Newspeakblog.com

August 08




Sarah Palin may be the ideological opposite of Hillary Clinton, but she’s her gynecological twin.

Posted by: becky. in Batman's Election Analysis | Permalink 1 Comment


Please watch as Adam and Jamie paint the Mona Lisa in less than 1 second, using a 1,100-barrel paintball gun.

Sure, it looks like ol’ Lisa should be the big boss in Punch Out, but still, cool.

Posted by: admin in Gay for ... | Permalink Comments


(Via Wonkette.)

Posted by: admin in Cute Overlord, Election '08 | Permalink 2 Comments


So. Here’s the Brooks & Dunn song Obama used as his horrifying exit music last night, the execrable “Only in America”—which, as it turns out, was also used in Bush’s 2004 campaign. Glarg!

I liked Obama’s speech, I did. It was an effective distillation of everything he needed to do: attack McCain, lay out niggling policy points, pander to swing voters and, finally, deliver that soaring-ass rhetoric that so thoroughly manipulates me into being his bitch. But seriously? Brooks & Dunn? Why couldn’t he have closed with this song?

Or better, yet, this one:

Happy Labor Day weekend, ya’lls.

Posted by: admin in Batman's Election Analysis | Permalink 2 Comments


Admit it. He’s the man who taught you how to shoot squirrels. She’s the girl who broke your heart at your best friend’s birthday party. Nostalgia is second only to Fear in the politics of Power. Watch out Obama and Biden, because you guys remind the average American of why civics class was boring!

Baseball. Apple pie. Cheerleaders.

That’s America.

Grandpa and Girlfriend forever!

Posted by: Klayton Elliot Kendall in Uncategorized | Permalink 9 Comments


Please don’t let this cause you any cognitive dissonance. Just keep repeating to yourselves: “pro-life, pro-life, pro-life.” Palin is a devout conservative Christian, a member of the NRA and an outspoken opponent of Roe v. Wade and already has the fundies pooping their fundie pants. An endorsement from Dobson can’t be far behind. Plus, she calls herself a hockey mom. Take it from a guy who played hockey for 15 years—you do not want one of those crazy banner-waving, ref-excoriating bitches in the veep mansion. (Love you, Mom!)

Sincerely,
Newspeak

Meanwhile, Ol’ Walnuts gets a post-DNC drubbing in the polls:

Posted by: admin in Election '08 | Permalink 13 Comments


So the first weekend was very successful and we’ve got an even stronger show this weekend. I encourage you all to attend if you can. We have shows about what to do with God’s will now that he’s dead, a private eye whose life gets flipped, turned upside-down, and girls without their shirts on. What can possibly be keeping you?

The show runs tonight, tomorrow, and Sunday at 8PM at the Osborne Studio Theater at UCCS (3955 Cragwood Drive). General admission is $10, and non-UCCS students with ID get in for $5. UCCS students with ID get in for free. Come out and support local theater! See me damn near naked half the time! Blood! Gore! Sex! Silly voices! Dramatic pauses!

Be there!

Posted by: Greg Reilly in Thee-ah-tur | Permalink Comments


According to MoveOn.org, all the Obama-watchin’, Yes-We-Can parties in central COS are totally booked up. What’s everybody’s plan for watching the big Obama acceptance speech tonight?

Posted by: admin in Election '08 | Permalink 12 Comments


I promised Aaron that if he gave me a few days off of work I’d write a preview for the next issue, so here it is.

I am a fairly active person, granted I haven’t been very active since moving to this fine state in May.

But I ran the St. Louis half marathon in April 2007, worked at a summer camp the summer of 2004, rode a camel in Israel in 2001 and got attacked by a dog while snorkeling in the Abaco Sea last summer. I have a permanent scar on my foot from kicking hard coral reef while snorkling in the Red Sea, have floated in the Dead Sea, learned to surf in Australia and I’ve led 40 10-13-year-old girls on a 3-day canoe trip and camp out, twice.

But when my friend, Kelly, from Dallas came to town a couples weeks ago and wanted to go white water rafting, I was a little afraid. Mostly because it had been cold and rainy for the previous 8 days and i’m a bit of a klutz.

It was a cool 56 degrees and I was about to take it to the cold mountain waters. I begrudgingly ask Kelly how she talked me into this as I climb into my wet suit, that was still wet from the adventures had the day before. After being fitted for a life jacket and given a helmet i heard a rumble in the distance, i glanced at the people around me to see if they had heard it…..thunder. I gathered that a couple people around me had heard it due to the soft whimpering that was now uncontrollably exiting their pursed mouths.

We slowly climbed into the bus that would drop of us off at what would surely be our sudden deaths. Common sense says to get out of the water when you are in a thunderstorm not enter it. The thunderstorm quickly approached and had engulfed our bus just as we pulled out of the parking lot. The quarter mile drive to the drop off zone was passed by nervous laughter circulating the vehicle.

Brian the lead guide (and the guide of my raft) lead us through the safety instructions on how to properly fall into the rapids and all the different possibilities of rescue. I guess Brian had an inkling into my clumsiness, because his eyes only left mine to quickly scan the rest of the bus twice during his safety instructions. Needless to say, the stare down and the storm had me worried.

While pushing off from the bank the storm started to clear and blue skies were visible just south of us. I let out a huge sigh of relief, one disaster had thus been averted, now all I had to do was survive the three hour trek down the Royal Gorge. Which I did - there were several heart pounding “geronimos’” and many close calls on my end. Brian (who was cautiously sitting on my left) and the gentleman sitting in front of me had to pull me back into the raft mid-fall, not to mention the countless times I fell into the raft. Overall it ended up being a lovely day with 70 degree weather, however I think I’ll wait until next summer before trying my hand at rafting again.

Kelly and I getting ready to go out on the Rapids.

Kelly and I getting ready to go out on the Rapids.

editor’s note…This story nor anything else written by me is in the September issue, this is just intended to get you psyched up for the issue due out on Friday, Sept. 5th.

Posted by: becky. in Sports | Permalink Comments


Today’s Colorado Culture Cast.

“Hannibal Biden” (My response to Ron English.)

Posted by: Klayton Elliot Kendall in Uncategorized | Permalink Comments

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