October 08
Okay, although I’m still check Gallup daily, I, like all of you, are ready for this thing to be the fuck over. Vote vote vote, elect elect elect, and move right the hell on.
Like every other milquetoast lib’rul, I’ve vowed to leave the country if McCain wins—no, seriously, this time!—but that puts me in a rough spot, because what will I do if (when) Obama wins? How will I contribute to a brand-new lease on the Promise of America™? An Obama victory is empty if we, as Americans and as people, don’t actually adhere to the call for Change. Right? Right. So here’s what I’ve decided:
I’ll Quit Smoking. Again. But this time, I’ll be so gravid with hope that it will stick. Attendant to quitting smoking are not drinking my face off quite so much, exercising more and eating better, so that I can look forward to the next eight years without man-tits or coughing up blood. Come November 5 and an Obama win, you are allowed to punch me in the crotch if you see me smoking.
I’ll Invest in My Community. This means spending time and energy looking out and advocating for the healthy and sustainable growth of our city. If this means joining boards, I’ll join boards. If it means attending long and boring meetings with puffed-up do-gooders drunk on their own sense of righteousness, I’ll do that. Sigh.
I Will Stop Referring to Everyone I Don’t Agree With As A ‘Tard. As in “fundotard,” “conservatard,” “Paultard,” “Losttard,” etc. Fixing our crippled nation will take all of us working together and not calling each other tards all the time. It’s time to look forward to a “tard”-free future.
I Will Grow the Hell Up, Stop Whining and Enter My 30s With Renewed Purpose and Vigor. Let’s face it—the past few years of Bush, the war, the economy and the rottenness have made for a pervasive national depression. But I, like you, need to snap out of it and start looking forward. “Ohhh, waaaa, I missed 30 Rock,” I mewl, and it ruins my whole week. But if instead of watching 30 Rock, I volunteer somewhere and crawl out of my whine-ditch, everybody’s life is better.
So there’s that, and here’s my call for your Obama-lutions. Once we get him into office, what are you going to do with it?
Posted by: Aaron Retka in Election '08, It's Okay To Be Obamatarded. Really. | Permalink
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4 Responses to “Obama-lutions”
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I’m going to continue listening to CVB for another 20 years.
If 2200 union members can work to get out the vote, you can most certainly quit smoking.
Klayton- OMG…. that song brings back so many memories! Thanks.
I’m going to start calling everybody “comrade”
[...] I really quit smoking. I’m on Day 6 and you soooooo can’t punch me in the crotch. [...]