Church Kicker

From the Vaults: Church Kicker October + November 2004

Our lovely webmaster Delaney Utterback is slowly but surely putting up the old issues of the The Toilet Paper and with it, old pictures of the Church Kicker dating back to October 2004, our very first CK:

Grace–St. Stephens Episcopal Church in Colorado Springs gets a kick for Rev. Don Armstrong’s vocal opposition to the ordination of gay priests. If you know a church that needs kicking, please send a high resolution digital photo along with your reason for kicking it to churchkicker@toiletpaperonline.com.

And November 2004:

St. Mary’s Church in downtown Colorado Springs gets a kick because Bishop Michael Sheridan is a partisan bully who would like to suggest that political candidates should be held accountable for their positions on gay rights or a woman’s right to choose, but that war is not a moral issue. If you know a church that needs kicking, please send us a high resolution photo and an explanation of why you kicked that church to: churchkicker@toiletpaperonline.com.

John Waters in Church Whipper Couture

Portuguese Church Kickers

CK Worldwide, Bitches!

Outtakes From Our Church Whipper T-Shirt Ad

Get your Church Whipper T-Shirts

Farewell to Clopton

September was a sad month for us here at The Toilet Paper: Bryan Clopton, our first and best Church Kicker, is moving to Chicago. From the very first kick of Grace Episcopal Church one frosty afternoon in October 2004, it was clear that he could kick harder, faster and longer than anyone had ever Church-Kicked before (the only other person being Brian Arnot, who was pretty pathetic, frankly). Colorado Springs can make ‘em, but it can’t keep ‘em. As a bon voyage kick, Clopton gave the boot to the Lighhouse Temple’s cross/cell phone tower (notice the panel at the top of the cross) on Prayer Mountain overlooking the Starbuck’s on 31st St. and Colorado Ave,. Mr. Clopton’s comics will still appear regularly in The Toilet Paper and we hope that he’ll kick or church or two in Chicago for us, too. Fare thee well Bryan Cloptoon. We love you. If you need to kick/whip a church, please send us a high resolution photo and a caption explaining why you kicked/whipped it to churchkicker@toiletpaperonline.com and we’ll send you a free Church Kicker or Church Whipper t-shirt, post your picture on the blog at www.churchkicker.com and consider it for publication in a future issue of The Toilet Paper.