NEWSPEAK Blog

Asay Explained.

The moral: Old people are stupid.

LOLsay!

We were going to run some selections from Asay Explained in this month's print edition, but were ultimately advised not to by our lawyer. This turned out to be a lucky thing, because we instead hit up the creation of LOLsay, as in "I Can Has Conservatism"? All of you who hate on this meme can just hush up, because I think these are hilarious:

Asay Explained.

In this cartoon—probably inspired by the diversity festival that Colorado Springs will host this summer—Chuck digs out a golden oldie of a concept beloved by conservative 'strippers: political correctness. You see, in this crazy mixed-up modern world, welfare-loving Negroes who look suspiciously like Barack and Michelle Obama are "people of color"; cripples with trucker hats are "differently abled"; fags who should burn in hell have an "alternative lifestyle"; big fat, fat fatsos are "full figured"; street hoods with blackjacks and telltale backward hats are "making wrong choices" while the tolerant, quietly pious religious folk who want only the best for everyone are slandered mercilessly. Why are Christians so relentlessly persecuted? Why?

Asay Explained.

NRA members think fanciful thoughts of anthropomorphic pistols and wish someone would make a computer-animated movie about talking automobiles. NRA members are unfamiliar with Pixar.

Asay Explained.

This is part one of a hopefully ongoing series explaining the high-larious comic hijinks of local conservative cartoonist Chuck Asay.

In the first panel, evil apparatchiks from the FDA confiscate echinacea from a Working American Family (TM), which they then hoard, to later crush up and snort. In the second panel, a similar faceless trenchcoated thug from the EPA extorts money from an Ordinary American Taxpayer (TM) in order to pay Al Gore, who is African and doing some sort of scary African dance.

The moral: Black people are stealing your money.

Okay, this is seriously too much fun. Here's two more.

Here, a pinko seminar leader indicates that global Bolshevism is not catching on. How are the Communists to take over the world? The second panel has the answer: Environmentalism.

The moral: We're playing right into their hands!

Witness a foolhardy auto consumer in traction, having foolhardily eschewed hugeness and armor-plating for foolish, foolhardy fuel-efficiency.

The moral: Hybrid cars will kill you and your entire family.