NEWSPEAK Blog

Since we're hating on the five-oh.

Here's a video of a cop ambushing a dude on a bike. For, like, no apparent reason.

And here's another one.

Newspeak: Bringing you yesterday's news ... TODAY!

ITEM! Doug Bruce's list of endorsers for his upcoming primary legislative race haven't actually endorsed him. Ha-ha! Nobody likes you!

NEWSPEAK'S TAKE:

ITEM! Flaming assbag James Dobson says that, well, he'll probably be voting for McCain instead of not voting the way he vowed to several months ago. This is because he is so deeply in touch with today's voters and has not lost any little bit of relevance ... NOT!

NEWSPEAK's TAKE:

Newspeak: bringing you the best in day-old news translated through stale internet memes ... TODAY!

Today in labor disputes.

On my way in this morning, I ran into a few guys hanging out near this banner on the corner of Pikes Peak and Cascade. They're protesting GE Johnson, who, they say, have been laying off union men in favor of hiring illegals.

Now, this situation is bound to create some liberal cognitive dissonance. Do we side, like good progressives, with the union guys, who were no doubt unfairly laid off so that GE Johnson could employ cheaper workers? Or do we take up the cause of the illegal workers, who have come to America in search of better lives and who, according to the Big American Dream, be able to find opportunities just like the ancestors of the union guys? I can't say. All that I know is that one of the union guys protesting GE Johnson is apparently a pair of disembodied feet. Spooky!

Scary stuff.

Have you guys ever seen those Faces of Meth things, where they show the slow deterioration the drug causes? It's scary stuff. Just say no.

Hee-hee.

Acacia Park: you will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.

I say this because there's a band playing there right now. They are playing the song from the Mos Eisley cantina. It is blowing my fucking mind.

Just like this guy, who's playing it on harmonium.

Dear Greg Reilly ...

You are my new favorite person. This one's for you:

Here's to good times.

We're here! We're steer!

I've said it before and I'll say it again: Cowboys are kick-ass. And there's nothing more genuinely cowboy than the Ride for the Brand Ranch Rodeo, which is going on tomorrow as is all about real cowboys doing real cowboy things, not sparkly-shirted pretty boy pro rodeo posers. Check out the interview Culture Cast did with some of the tough-as-nails cowboys last year:

The Ride for the Brand Cattle Drive just went by on Tejon, with tons of cows, adorable calves and cowboys who could lasso your nose off your face.

These people seemed to enjoy it. I think they're the same people whom I overheard asking, when the Smokebrush toaster went by, "Are those real antlers?" God bless the USA.

Buddy Wakefield coming to Edifice Gallery.

Excellent news for fans of, like, words:

Two-time National Poetry Slam champion Buddy Wakefield will be reading at Edifice Gallery on July 17. Wakefield is, I'm informed, quite the get. He's also crazily intense and apparently travels with his own battalion of trained attack pigeons.

This'll be worth attending, and is just another example of how we suddenly live in a real city with actual cultural events. Congrats to the Zogster and Arnot for getting Wakefield to come here!

Breaking: crazy-panderer's secret location disclosed

For those who haven't heard, the big O is coming to COS tomorrow.  From the Gazette story:

The media was told where Obama will be speaking, but the campaign has not said who has received invitations and has asked that the location not be disclosed.

I don't know if Newspeak! was among the media who were notified, but I'm going to take the chance of compromising our journalistic integrity by sharing with you the following email:

From: staff-l@uccs.edu staff-l@uccs.edu On Behalf Of Chancellor's Office
Sent: Tuesday, July 01, 2008 7:52 AM
To: staff-l@uccs.edu
Subject: [staff-l] Presidential Candidate Visit

Presidential candidate Barrack Obama will deliver an invitation only address in the UCCS University Center gymnasium on Wednesday, July 2.

The event, organized and contracted by Barack Obama’s campaign team, is not open to the general public.  However, we do anticipate it will garner a great deal of national, regional and local attention for our campus.

Have fun, kids.

Today in not really understanding what things mean.

As I came into work this morning, I noticed this touching block-long sidewalk conception scene:

... As well as some sidewalk graffiti, presumably by the same authors, in front of the Christian Science Reading Room. It read:

TOM CRUISE WAS HERE
P.S. WE LOVE ALIENS

I hustled to the office to grab my camera, but by the time I got back, it had already been scrubbed clean and looked like this:

The very nice man at the greeting desk of the Reading Room said that such conflation of Christian Science and Scientology is a pretty common thing and that they've been subject to similar messages often in the past.

So, for the record (feel free to print, clip and carry in your wallet):

The Church of Christ, Scientist is the one responsible for quite well-respected Christian Science Monitor and is also the faith that sometimes kills its practitioners by encouraging them to decline medical care.

Scientology is the one with E-Meters, thetan levels, Xenu and John Travolta.