Denver Voters Approve Marijuana Measure: Funyons stock up in early trading.

In a purely symbolic gesture, Denver voters have approved an ordinance decriminalizing marijuana possession.  Administration officials at the University of Colorado at Boulder quickly moved to discourage abuse of marijuana, specifically barring marijuana use by students majoring in engineering or the sciences and enrolled in more than 17 University credit hours.  Meanwhile, marijuana arrests in Colorado Springs immediately increased by 1600% by the early hours of Nov. 2, less than one day after Colorado's idiosyncratically-timed election.

Alright, a goodly portion of that isn't true, but it might as well be.  While I personally have never been particularly fond of marijuana (I prefer either drugs of convenience, like NyQuil or Vagisil, or drugs of madness, like DMT or moonshine-induced donkey-punching), I nevertheless support the general concept of decriminalization and moral degradation.  But what now of the slippery slope of Reefer Madness engendered upon Denver's fragile youth?  While there may be every indication, in a purely statistical way, that marijuana is less dangerous than alcohol, and that federal prohibitions on narcotics of all kinds have been ineffective, I disavow this latest referendum as a clear manipulation of the electorate by the wily drug-abusers of the pro-drug cabal.  If their intellects hadn't been super-powered by illicit narcotics, their referenda would stand no chance.

And so, until such time as the Federal Government or Jesus steps in, I'll be cowering under my bed.  Really, it's got nothing to do with indictments, or rampant corruption, or anything else.  I'm just really afraid of the dope fiends.  Dope fiends with super-powered brains, and no fear of God.  At least not any fear of the Judeo-Christian God.  Spooky.