NEWSPEAK Blog

Huzzah?

Yay.

The weird thing is, after all of Bruce's misbehavior and Oppositional Defiance, he STILL got 47-some-percent of the vote.

And yes, Dan May effectively ousted Chuggy Chuggy Newsome, which I think will, in the long run, be a pretty good thing; Newsome has been in bed with Sheriff Terry Maketa for some time—and if you're overwhelmingly happy with law enforcement in the Springs during Maketa's tenure, you haven't really been paying attention.

So thanks, Republican primarians, for getting rid of two lousy politicians so that the Dems don't have to. Couldn't you have gotten rid of Lamborn while you were at it?

Hey! Vote!

If you haven't yet, please remember to vote today. It's sort of a no-brainer, but our endorsements go to Dan May for DA and Mark Waller for state legislature. As for the CD-5 slot, we urge you to just write somebody in; Lamborn's a jackass, Crank's a religious nut and Bentley Rayburn sounds like the villain in an '80s movie about a down-on-its-heels summer camp and the evil rich-kids summer camp across the lake. He would look like this:

"I'm going to have my father, Chesterton Rayburn, buy this place and raze it to the ground!" Bentley would say, shortly before the plucky folks at camp Tiowanga challenged him to a waterskiing competition. "Our goose is cooked!" chubby camper Wallace would despair—but wait just a second, because there's a training montage! The Tiowangans would then experience an eleventh-hour victory, but only because evil Rayburn's attempt at cheating by putting water moccasins along the waterskiing course backfire when one bites him— right on the butt! You got your comeuppance, Rayburn!

All I'm saying is, we don't need evil preps from the '80s in local politics. Er, moreso.

Don't forget to vote!

Early voting for the Aug. 12 primary election continues today through Friday. Registered voters may cast ballots at the following locations:

• Centennial Hall, 200 S. Cascade Ave., 8 a.m. to 5 p.m.
• The Citadel mall, Suite 3124 on the upper level near J.C. Penney, 10 a.m. to 7 p.m.
• Chapel Hills Mall, Suite 179 on the lower level near the food court escalator, 10 a.m. to 7 p.m.
For details, contact the election office at 575-8683.

If you don't make it this week, remember to vote on Tuesday!

Extreme caption contest: Presidential edition!

"John, you oughta see when I cruise this thing down the dairy aisle."

OR

JM: "41, eh? 'Cause you were the 41st president?"
GHWB: "Usually, yes. But in this case it's how far Bar's tits are from the ground... in centimeters."

Edible Election Contest!

I mentioned this at the July Happy Hour, but here are the details:

(click to enlarge, or read the fine print below)

The problem with democracy is that you can't eat it. It's this that we seek to remedy with the Newspeak
Edible Election Contest with Rock the Vote. We're calling for edible depictions of this election, the candidates and democracy in general. A gingerbread ballot box? Sure! A ground-beef bust of Obama? Of course! A marzipan McCain in a pretzel-stick Viet Cong prison? Why not! Creativity, craftsmanship and an abiding love for democracy in action are all desired for Edible Election!

RULES
Entries must be mostly edible; no glues or industrial solvents that might poison our judges (wood or cardboard platforms and backing are OK). There is no size requirement for entries, and any topic relating to this election will be accepted. No blanket political statements, please—stay on-topic and relevant. Entries are due August 22, 2008 at Newspeak's Edible Election Happy Hour, at McCabe's Tavern, to be appraised by our celebrity judges. The winner will receive tickets to Rock The Vote’s Ballot Bash at the Democratic National Convention!

The O-Face Caption Contest!

To whomever provides the best caption for this here photograph, a sum of one (1) kiss on the cheek and one (1) beer of the winner's choosing will be awarded by me, Gregory Reilly.



Have fun?

After an hour and a half in the beating sun...

After waiting for a goddamn hour and a half in the heat, Barack finally showed up. We were all cordoned off, swept, sniffed at by dogs, and then given pretty specific instructions. The SS guy directing us was really cool and cracked a lot of jokes.

Barack came about 20' away from us and said a few words about volunteering and staying in school and then got into his Suburban. He hung out for a while and even threw us a terrorist handshake.

It is now raining on me, so that'll be that. Enjoy, EDIT: Springsteens, as it were.

Use this power for good, part II.

So he and I had a bit of a chat and I asked him what he was up to. He said he was "keeping an eye on things" and "making sure things don't get out of control." He mentioned that they might "show up with some McCain posters later." I asked him for his card, and of course he obliged.

He seemed nice enough.

Use this power for good.

So some guy was talking on his cell phone about arranging a protest for the event. Apparently he's with the El Paso County Republican Party. He's dressed nicely. He has signs. His email address is execdir@gopelpaso.com in case you're interested in letting him know you appreciate what the Republican Party is doing in El Paso County. That's execdir (as in "executive director") at GO EL PASO dot commie.

In completely unrelated news, I happened upon this nifty website: Mailinator. It sets up a temporary email address that is deleted within fifteen or so minutes of being registered. It's very convenient for signing up for services that might spam you or if, for instance, you would like to send an email anonymously.

Just saying.

Here he is on his phone arranging the protest.

He with his handful of signs and a few accomplices.

And because I am a camwhore--Mr. Reilly hard at work.

Please drink responsibly.

Obama hasn't talked yet but I have plenty to say.

So the line is extravagantly long and nobody can find the restrooms. I think Andrew and I have been questioned something like seven times by random passersby. I have a pot and change of coffee in my system and my leg is restless in the sort of way that the people who push off that ridiculous "restless leg syndrome" "medicine" would go batshit for.

The show hall looks like it'll hold something like 250 people and they've apparently got 400 tickets drifting around out there. It's predicted that Obama will be fashionably late by anything between an hour or two, but we've already got a couple hundred people lined up outside. They're all patiently waiting to be wanded and shown to their seats, chatting it up and trying to look pretty.

We realize the pointlessness of being here but we're pretty happy to have an excuse to sit around and make fun of people that we're obviously a bit envious of. I'd probably kill, at the very least, a cute puppy to actually get inside. This seems, as it were, unlikely to the point of irrelevance.

The school coffee shop has been pounded by the mochiatto latte etc. etc. crowd and aren't too pleased by it. "Supreme sugar-free non-fat vanilla latte!" the barista calls. The owner of said drink replies "you didn't say iced." Apparently he wanted it iced. He was adamant about the matter. I feel very happy that my palate prefers plain black coffee.

There doesn't seem like much point in sitting here and typing more about it. I am considering trying to get myself arrested. I think if I told my boss ahead of time that I was going to do so, I could get away with missing work. That would be delightful.

I am going to end this now and swear not to post more until I have transcended my self-indulgent nature and found something generally worth writing about. That, or until I feel like it. Or something. Aaron just gave me the go-ahead to post pictures at will, so you're just going to have to deal with it. Why am I still typing?

--Reilly