I got an email from the former intern at the long-dead-n'-buried High Plains Messenger, Patrick, who clued me in to a theatre production he did called Teens Get Tough on Terror. It's absolutely hilarious—a dead-on send-up of clumsy youth-oriented fundamentalism. You as Springsteens will appreciate this. (Clue: It contains the emcee telling the audience: "Yeah, I'm wasted. I'm wasted on Christ!")
Part One:
And Part Two:
Thanks, Patrick!
Just got this press release from the city:
Smoke Alert Due to Grass Fire at Fort Carson
A grass fire at Fort Carson is producing smoke that can be seen and smelled in the air over Colorado Springs. The Colorado Springs Fire Department and 9-1-1 dispatchers request residents refrain from calling 9-1-1 to report the smoke from this fire. Firefighters are on-scene and actively working the fire at Fort Carson.
If residents visually see flames from a fire in their neighborhood they should call 9-1-1 immediately; as that fire may be separate from the incident at Fort Carson.
What's going on in the Springs this week? First the scary escaped lion, then a bear breaks into a Circuit City and now our Army base is on fire. Is this the apocalypse? The Tupacalypse? You best check Rapture Ready just in case.
Colin, CPR's Eric Whitney and Noel at our We Totally Love Our Advertisers and Contributors! party.
And, after a long night hittin' da clubs, Jesus wasn't doing so great. Luckily, Newspeak music columnist Jeremy Grobsmith was there to hold JC's hair back for him.
Here's more fine artwork from my new company, Pay Me And I'll Put You And Jesus Together in a Picture, Inc. The first features our good friends Klayton, Drew, Sarah and Adam with Jesus at the Newspeak War Against Christmas Holiday Jamboree.
Have you always wanted a picture of you or your children with Jesus—but the Savior has been dead for 2000 years! How can you get a fine work of art of you with someone who's been dead for so long? THERE'S GOT TO BE A BETTER WAY!
Lucky for you, Kay Paintings can make this happen. They'll totally Photoshop your children with a guy who sort of looks like Jesus/Return of the King Aragorn/philosophy major in front of a vague screensaver background. Here's what the website says:
Hi, I'm Amanda Kay, the artist for Kay Paintings and Photography. I love creating unique fine artwork for families to enjoy for years to come. I especially love to see the faces of the children when they first see themselves with Christ. With my husband's support, we created Kay Paintings and Photography, a way for virtually everyone to be able to see themselves with The Savior. I want everyone to feel the joy of seeing their family with Christ. I thank my Father in Heaven for giving me the opportunity of not only enjoying every second of what I am doing, but also to be able to share it with others and add joy to their lives. I look forward to hearing from you!
And here's another picture. One set of footprints, indeed! Looks like the Son of Man is on his way back to the cabana for some Caribbean Spring Break lovin.
UPDATE!
I'm very pleased to announce that we will now be providing the same service as Kay and will be happy to Photoshop you with your favorite Savior for the low price of only $299.99. Enjoy this piece of fine art that we just did, entitled Aaron, Noel and Jesus in Cozumel.
UPDATE 2
I just received my first commission! Below is the piece of fine art I produced for it, called Me & JC At Six Flags.
Behold, the Jesus Sex Doll:
And just in case you didn't notice in the ad, you can fuck his stigmata.
At yesterday's jittery New Life service, Good Ol Pastor Brady Boyd had this to say according to the G:
“It is OK if you’re not doing well,” Boyd said. “I don’t want any of us to walk around with a mask or facade of strength when inside our hearts are not doing well.”
However, this statement didn't seem to apply to Larry Bourbonnais, one of the guy's who'd been shot by Matthew Murray, who was quite agitated and had to be 86ed:
The day’s events included a brief, strange moment when one of those wounded last week was escorted from the church campus by the police, who asked him not to return.Larry Bourbonnais, 59, left church grounds peacefully at the request of church officials, who called in Colorado Springs police for extra support.
“He cooperated, and we told him that he wasn’t welcome back on the property,” police Sgt. Lonnie Spanswick said.
Church officials told police they plan to file a restraining order against Bourbonnais, Spanswick said.
In a news conference after church, Boyd said of Bourbonnais, “We felt he was a bit volatile this morning, and we did not want any disruption to our service.” Boyd said officials will be reaching out to Bourbonnais this week to ensure an “amicable” resolution. Boyd didn’t elaborate.
Wounded slightly in the arm during the shooting, Bourbonnais has shared his story with a number of media outlets during the past week, claiming that he tried without success to persuade an armed security guard to confront the gunman, Matthew Murray; pleaded with the guard to give him a gun; then yelled at Murray to distract him before another security guard, Jeanne Assam, opened fire, wounding Murray. An autopsy concluded that Murray then shot himself.
Contacted Sunday afternoon by The Gazette, Bourbonnais declined to comment. But while leaving the parking lot Sunday morning, he told KRDO television that New Life officials don’t like his criticism of the security guard who wouldn’t confront the gunman.
Sheesh, as long as "not doing well in your heart" doesn't include questioning the narrative I guess it's all OK. But when cracks in the facade of God's awesomeness as Channelled through Jeanne Assam start to appear, I guess they suddenly want to you to walk around with a facade of strength and wish that you would not do well in your heart.
Probably not many, particularly not up at New Life. And why would they? He killed two people and wanted to kill more. But reading some of the things he wrote, ... fuck. I certainly feel for the guy. Though anyone who goes on a killing spree is obviously suffering from deep mental trauma, he also obviously suffered from sensitivity, intelligence and thoughtfulness. Not good qualities for cult think of Bill Gothard (who, not surprisingly, had his own little sex scandals despite his rigid moral teachings) to which he was subjected and probably made his suffering worse. Here's some instensely rational and emotionally painful insights of Murray's peeled from where they were posted by "lucyfurr" in the G comments:
I remember as a child laying awake at night, terrified that I was going to "get left behind" for some childish bad thing I'd done or thought or some mistake I'd done. That was around age 8-12 and I would continue to have similar fear through my teenage years. I remember being terrified around year 2000 and always worried about this..."antichrist" who was going to somehow do all these terrible things to people who weren't "born again" AND had not lost their salvation/committed some sin. I'd lay awake at night and be terrified during the day asking over and over "what if I commit a sin, and don't have time to confess and ask God forgiveness and repent and get...left behind?!" "what if I'm in some sin that I don't even recognize and I get......left behind?" "what if I'm watching something on TV that's somehow a "sin" and Jesus returns and I get......left behind?" "what if I commit the unpardonable sin and get....left behind?"Some days I'd even lay awake worrying that I had dropped a few cents while placing my 10% tithes into the offering plate or that I had miscalculated my tithes and....something bad would happen........
Then there was all the Eph 6:1-3 teachings which caused me to worry since no one could answer the question "what if a child rebels against a parent or pastor who is being abusive?"(no, not just a little strict or "setting some standards".........) and "why don't all these rules of non-violence and other rules apply to church leaders and parents?"Another issue was the issue of music. Many of the christians and some of the church leaders and my parents said that ANY music "with a beat"(including Christian Contemporary and Christian Rock) was "of Satan and had backmasking" yet OTHER CHRISTIANS said that was nonsense and....BOTH SIDES used the BIBLE to back their side up...so........how the f*** am I supposed to even know what to do when no one could even figure out what is actually a sin in the "eyes of God" according to that infallible book....the bible.
End times? I so badly wanted to understand what it all meant...so I looked into it as a teenager and found out that there are at least 7 different views of "the end times" and....they all had....the infallible bible to support their contradictory beliefs of the "end times."
Just like Marilyn Manson, I'd often have nightmares about all this armaggedon mark of the beast antichrist "left behind" bulls***.
They considered me their "chosen prophet."(who was to become some international leader for their stupid dominionist charismatic Peter Wagner Bill Gothard pentecostal cult.)
All that insanity along with some other pentecostal/Bill Gothard doctrines at one point made me to want to die since......"there's no point in living anyways since I'm going to be left behind or end up in hell no matter what I do"....there might have also been some....uh...self-mutilation in all that too.
Obviously, no one's really gonna point the finger at Gothard or Murray's parents for inflicting unbearable strain on his psyche. He must've been predisposed and then attacked by evil as Brady Boyd was quoted saying in the G:
The senior pastor of New Life, Brady Boyd, said he believes his church might have been an “ignition point” for a man with long-standing emotional problems. While Boyd said it was sad that the gunman was raised in the Christian faith and turned against it, he believes the rampage had less to do with faith than with Murray’s “organic makeup.”As a charismatic pastor, Boyd also believes a supernatural battle between good and evil is at work.
“If you read the Bible, there are angelic and demonic forces at work on the earth today,” he said. “But I also think that many times, those evil forces take advantage of people who already have existing conditions.”
Quick, don't look at your own batshit beliefs! ... What do you even say to that?
KRCC posted a statement from Matthew Murray's parents, available on the KRCC homepage on the World Wide Web of the Internet.
I don't how to embed this brightcove video from HuffPo, but if you want to see how completely insane the so-called "Values Voters" are and what a total queen James Dobson is, watch THIS VIDEO all the way through.
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