Stuart Shepard does a great job of reminding me why I think Focus on the Family is a hateful and divisionist empire of highly concentrated evil. Here he asks people to do something of an evangelical rain-dance with the hopes that God will spoil the DNC's nomination speech.
I would normally regret going for such an easy joke, but not this time: it seems Tony Snow's colon finally gave out under the weight of the titanic geysers of shit he spewed every day of his tawdry career.
Good riddance, you irredeemable hack. I hope your death serves to set an example for any who might be tempted to follow in your path of compromising every known principle of journalistic integrity for the avaricious and snide satisfaction of confidence-gaming the American public.
Well, today marks the launch of Apple's iPhone 3G. At long last, I can finally buy a mobile phone that is just as pretentious as I am. So, because Colorado Springs remains one of the largest metropolitan areas in the country without an Apple retail store, I drove down south to the AT&T Global Bloodsucking Wireless Conspirator store early enough to pick me up a spanking new iPhone.
No dice. They sold out of available units after about 40 minutes, leaving me to hold my penis in shock. Oh well, at least I made it to work on time.
And, in other news, the Newspeak Drugs issue comes out today and features a sloppy polemic on the War on Drugs authored by yours truly. It's not three dozen dirty haikus, but at least it's angry. Word.
The Fox News got caught altering photos of two rival journalists at the New York Times which aired on the program Fox and Friends. Fox altered the photo of Times editor Stephen Reddicliffe and reporter Jacques Steinberg after the two questioned the network's ratings.
Reddicliffe:
Read all about it here.
Hillary Clinton has the bright idea to suspend the gas tax. The average consumer stands to save -- hold onto your horses -- 30 motherfucking dollars over the summer! OMFG I just blew a huge wad in my pants! I can't wait!
Will someone please pie her in the face? With a five-year old fruitcake? (Actually, don't. That would possibly get you shot by the Secret Service.)
For the complete list of previous worst ideas, click here.
I have a friend who is fond of asking me, "Why do you hate America?"
My standard reply is this: because it's so damned easy.
I have to state that I really do feel fortunate to live in this country, and although I see so much that could be changed for the better (foreign policy, education reform, healthcare, NASCAR*), I enjoy indoor toilets, grocery stores that keep a ready supply of Count Chocula, and the ability to walk downtown without being shot at. (Wait, scratch that last item.) But I do feel lucky to live in such a great community, with terrific life-long friends, ungodly beautiful scenery, and a thriving freakscene which I am able to regularly witness.
And so I come to my point: Although I am accused of hating America, I must state with a defiant tone that I do not hate this country, land of my fathers, land of the General Mills corporation, etc. I actually *cough cough* LOVE America. It's just that I hate Americans.
Again, I feel like I should qualify this statement. What I mean to say is, I hate the "Ugly American." To put a wiki-fine point on it, let's define "Ugly American": "Ugly American is an epithet used to refer to perceptions of loud, arrogant, demeaning, thoughtless behaviors of American citizens at home, but mainly abroad." -from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ugly_American
Nothing infuriates me more than the stupid, thoughtless people that vote for the stupid, arrogant motherfuckers who actually run this country (oops, I think Klayton may confirm this, but it's possible that multi-national corporations run this country (and most others)). I also can't stand bigots, "-phobes" of any kind, and rude people. Oh, and speed thee to hell, all ye drivers who do not utilize directional indicators.
Well, that's a little bit about me. I have a bowl of sugary cereal calling my name.
Thanks to Aaron and Noel for giving me this platform to squeal from. I swear I'll try to write something positive.
* NASCAR would be vastly improved by eliminating all rules and conventions, and additionally including a passenger armed with a General Electric Mini-Gun. Ta-dahhhhh!
Slate's got an excellent piece up about what they call "Paranoid Style"—the type of thinking that has allowed and nurtured the just-released Ben Stein agitprop documentary Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed, itself an attack on the "conspiracy" of evolutionists to remove God from science.
Here's the deal, and I know we've gotten into comment-y kerfuffles over this before, but this stands to be reiterated:
INTELLIGENT DESIGN IS NOT SCIENCE. It has no place pretending to be science. It is belief masquerading as science. IT IS THE ANTITHESIS OF SCIENCE. It has no place being taught in science classrooms, and thrusting that wedge of doubt, that equal time must be given to conflicting beliefs, is simply a way to spur the erosion of separation of church and state. You cannot teach religious belief in public school. Period. The manufactured indignation over the evolutionist "conspiracy" is just that—hugely disingenuous sound and fury created in order to get what fundamentalists have always wanted: religious education on the public nickel.
Giving them the time of day to begin with is playing their game. No school district should even consider providing equal time in science class to intelligent design, ever. No school district should even consider considering it. "They want to take God out of the classroom!" Well, fucking DUH. You get to teach intelligent design in my schools when I get to post the periodic table in your churches. Deal?
Goddamn, this makes me angry. Just read the piece and meet me back here to comment. We'll have us a Ben Stein slap-off. K? Break!
Yeah, here's "I'm Fucking Ben Affleck"—a star-studded affair (Honorary Kiowa Kartel member Ben Affleck! Huey Lewis! Brad Pitt! Is that Perry Farrell? Those twins from that pop-punk band! Robin Williams! Josh Groban! Erm, some other people ...). It's actually pretty funny.
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