NEWSPEAK Blog

Some mail!

Got this letter today (click to enlarge it):

Thanks for writing, David, and for the kind words. Let me address your concerns:

The couple 'graphs on the 'Zette were meant more as media gossip than as any sort of cheap dig, as of genuine interest to folks who follow media—especially arts media—in the Springs. To me, it says something that a city of our size can't support a full-time staff of arts writers at our daily paper. (Or says something about the Gazette's priorities ...) But yeah, I can see how it came across entirely as sour grapes.

The truth is, we don't really see either the Gazette or the Independent as competition. They're both big-ass publications with top-heavy administrations, while we have a full-time staff of two and an one unpaid intern and are about as grassroots as papers go. We're very, very different from both of them, both in structure and style. Therefore, it really does behoove us to ignore them for the most part, and we've learned from experience that tossing barbs is pretty ineffectual (if fun!). But—and this is and has been sort of the guiding philosophy of Newspeak from day one—the responsibility of small media, like us, is to make big media better, to highlight what they're doing wrong by doing something different. And yes, the constant sniping gets tiresome, and we've curbed that a whole lot simply because I'm sick of making enemies everywhere I look. But I don't file the COSsip blurbs and the blog posts about the Mark Arnest's departure and the 'Zette's new freelancers-write-the-arts under sniping; I file it under relevant news.

Thanks again for writing, and take heart to know that we're not obsessing over anybody else. Unless that somebody is Cooter Obama.

A Rare Letter to the Editor

Though we have a healthy stable of bloggers and commenters who follow along with our efforts here, we don't get a whole lot of lengthy emails or letters. We did, however, receive the sprawling missive below from a young woman from Manitou named Danielle Pollack. We asked her to chop her letter down to a manageable length for publication in the print edition, but since she didn't, we thought we'd make good on our promise to publish any letters. So here's Danielle's letter with our brief response at the end.

To the Editor,

In a recent post on the Newspeak Blog, you mentioned that you have only recieved one serious Letter to the Editor. In that post, you mentioned that you were open to reading, and possibly even publishing any serious submissions. With that in mind, here goes...

To be honest, the list of discrepancies I have with Newspeak is infinite. So, for the sake of saving some time, I'll shorten my list from endless to just really, really long.

Let's start with your most recent issue, the David and Goliath Issue.

-The letter from the editor was truly heartwarming, filled with arrogance and false promises of praising those in Colorado Springs who selflessly benefit the community (BESIDES Aaron Retka and Noel Black for once, who shamelessly give invalid and unsolicited praise to themselves with every single issue of Newspeak). Oh, and, as unofficially promised, a tired, obnoxious, unnecessary dig at the Independent.

-The "Golden Slingshot Awards" certainly did not, by any means, congratulate or thank those awarded. Instead, you relentlessly slammed those opposite of your winners instead of focusing on those who really deserve the attention.

-In the "Golden Slingshot Awards" section, I was shocked by your dense reaction to "'Keep Manitou Weird' bumper stickers on Subaru Outbacks." "Keep Manitou Weird" stickers stand for everything you had to say about Manitou, as far as opposing the new, expensive Breckenridge-esque feel to it goes. And to say that you no longer know any "true Manitou freaks" is amusing for two reasons: (1) You do not live in Manitou, and are therefore not the ultimate expert on Manitou residents, and (2) you obviously saw no shame in such shallow & petty reasoning for disliking a town to actually print such a statement. Sorry us Manitoids don't walk around in wizard cloaks, flashing our pentagram-tattooed foreheads at mortal passerbys anymore. But then again, we never did.

-I'd like to repeat an excerpt from the "Cars vs. CC Kids" category, describing the chaos the lunch hour brings to those brave enough to drive near the CC campus: "Factor in bikes, skateboards and the dreadlocked idiots who continue to ride long boards, and it becomes a dangerous combination." First of all, you bitch endlessly, issue after issue about how we, as a community, need to support alternative modes of transportation, but I can't help but feel that you're making fun of that mother-fucking hippie who rides his long board instead of drives. God, how stupid can he be? Doesn't he have any idea that long boards are out and the only way to get indie cred in this town is to be seen on an ultra-hip bicycle? And you know what? Come to think of it, I bet that dreadlocked asshole didn't even show up to a single Fag Team show at the High Life House to grovel at your feet and tell you what a difference you're making. People with dreadlocks and long boards are obviously the scum of the earth.

- "Local Artists vs. Chihuly" was an interesting category. Here's a place, the Fine Arts Center, who is celebrating a guy, Dale Chihuly, for his accomplishments in the exact business that they tend to acknowledge as an art gallery. I saw the Chihuly exhibit in the summer of '05 and was impressed by his work, but since art is subjective, I won't harass you for thinking otherwise. I will, however, harass you for how often you complain about how Colorado Springs doesn't celebrate the arts enough, which isn't really your issue at all. Your issue is that a great art gallery like the FAC just simply isn't showcasing the artists that you want them to. Colorado Springs and Manitou (ewwwwwwwwww, rite?!?#@) have tons of galleries that strictly display local artists' work. That's not to say that the FAC doesn't celebrate local artists, though; they just also expand their appreciation of art by recognizing artists who have, for the most part, justifiably made it big.

The specifics of your latest issue of Newspeak aside, there are some general problems anyone reading this publication (besides your devoted cronies) would have.

-The most obvious problem is, of course, the constant bashing of the Independent. I'm sure you're tired of hearing this from virtually anyone who reads your paper, but your readers are tired of hearing your petty attempts at pushing Independent buttons. Ultimately, Newspeak and the Independent are publications intended to fight the man and to be the voice of reason in a community run by righteous conservative church-goers. Rivalry is understandable, but in a place so overwhelmed by close-minded ideals, it seems that the support of your fellow—for lack of a better word-- rebels would be in order. But instead, you choose to take arbitrary stabs at the Independent like a bunch of butt-hurt homecoming queen runner-ups living in the shadow of the more likable winner. You're constantly referring to Independent writers as "Gazette leftovers," but, and correct me if I'm wrong, didn't members of the Newspeak staff work for the Independent once upon a time? Now you are producing a publication that I would assume you'd find more rewarding than writing for the enemy (again, correct me if I'm wrong.) Couldn't the same be said about the current Independent writing staff? No, they're just a bunch of mindless, no good Gazette leftovers. Does that make Newspeak lowly Independent leftovers? Nope, just the ultimate authority on all things cool. Focusing on your own publication once in a while might be beneficial to you and your readers.

-For such "advocates" of local businesses, local artists, and the local scene, every issue is dedicated solely to the bashing of all things local. You often complain about problems, but seldom offer solutions. Being snotty and condescending to those who "just don't get it" has done little to nothing in your quest to better your-- our-- community. I love and welcome independent thinkers who have big ideas for this sometimes less than desirable city of ours, so, please, grace us with yours. The mindless insults regarding anyone (a) younger, (b) older, or (c) less musically inclined than you are getting very, very boring.

I know that you can't please everyone in the world of opinionated journalism, but it doesn't seem that you aim to please anyone (with the exception of yourselves and your egos). At the end of the day, Newspeak could be an amazing publication, capable of actually influencing positive changes to be made in Colorado Springs. But until you alleviate the pompous, pretentious demeanor behind every single whiney article, reading Newspeak will forever be like reading the diary of a bitter, defeated high schooler.

Danielle Pollack

Dear Danielle,

Thanks for your letter. In all sincerity, it's sad to us that you obviously don't read Newspeak very carefully. Over the past year and change we've printed tons of local artwork and writing on the cover and within, examined issues facing downtown, the local gay community and, in general, issues facing the underrepresented young people in Colorado Springs. We also devoted an entire month's paper to local cycling and in the issue that comes out tomorrow, to local writers. Next month, we're going to be looking at homelessness. Yeah, we poke fun at a lot of people, and yes, we have egos. We're an entertainment paper with a staff of two and I can assure we'd love to do more if we could afford it. Sorry. Yes, we tend be snarky and make broad generalizations for the sake of broader commentary on the way we see things, but also tend to aim that snark at people we feel deserve it because they are either a). hypocrites, or b). could do better with the resources they have. Sorry you feel like Manitou wasn't properly represented in the lat issue. Not to put too fine a point on it, but it sounds like you're more of the "Independent type" as they would put it, which makes you precisely the kind of Manitoid we were talking about in the Golden Slingshots. I mean ... right?

Sincerely, Newspeak

Can anyone explain?

People are feeling love for Ron Paul, even some free thinker friendly whole foods voters. And I would like to know what I am missing because I can't get past the following red flags:

(fine, this is just from Wikipedia but I wouldn't know what's the made up part and what's what)

Later in 2001, Paul voted for the Authorization for Use of Military Force Against Terrorists, which authorized the president, pursuant to WPR, to respond to those responsible for the 2001 World Trade Center terror attack.

In order to prevent Congress from yielding its Constitutional authority to declare war to the executive branch, which does not Constitutionally hold that power, Paul introduced legislation in October 2002 giving Congress the opportunity to declare war on Iraq, rather than merely "authorizing" the president to deploy forces without a declaration of war. He said he would not vote for his own bill, but if his fellow members of Congress wished to go to war in Iraq, they should follow the Constitution and declare war.

&

In 2005 and 2007, Paul introduced the Sanctity of Life Act, which would define human life as beginning from conception, removing abortion from federal jurisdiction and effectively negating Roe v. Wade.[82][83] Paul has also introduced a Constitutional amendment with similar intent. Such laws would permit states to declare abortion to be murder and to outlaw new fetal stem cell research and some contraception and fertility treatments.[84][85] Also in 2005 and 2007, Paul introduced the We the People Act, which would forbid all federal courts from hearing cases on abortion, same-sex marriage, sexual practices, and government display of religious symbols, texts, and images.

He loves the constitution so much he should marry it. What he seems most interested in is a turf battle over juristiction and not anything to do with the immoral nature of what we are doing overseas. Who cares about the constitution if this is how he would excercise his rights.

Telegram For Suedebritches

Who says there's no Samaritans?

I got the mail today and found, to my surprise, an envelope addressed to me, from me. Was it from the future? Was I warning myself about some event I must stop from happening? Was it Doc?

Nope. Turns out, I'd dropped two paychecks from my lucrative freelancing career in the park and someone had stuffed them into an envelope and put my address as the return address to save on postage or something. A very kind gesture, but it robs me of the chance to thank the person responsible. So, Check-Finding Guy/Gal, if you're reading this, please come forward. I'll buy you a drink.

Nude Priest Update

A state investigator says a priest accused of jogging in the nude came to the attention of police eight years ago when some boys reported seeing him shaving while naked.

Former Sterling Police Chief Larry Graham told the Rocky Mountain News in today's editions that he checked out the reports about the Reverend Robert Whipkey in 1999.

Graham said no complaint was filed, and he concluded no crime had been committed. Graham now works for the Colorado Department of Corrections.

Whipkey did not immediately return a message left today at the rectory in Frederick, his most recent assignment.

A spokeswoman for the Archdiocese of Denver said it would have no immediate comment.

Whipkey is now facing a charge of indecent exposure.

___

A police officer said he saw the 53-year-old priest walking naked on a Frederick street about an hour before sunrise on June 22nd.

Whipkey told police he had been jogging in the nude because his weight caused him to sweat profusely if he exercised in clothing.

The archdiocese placed him on indefinite administrative leave from his duties at in Frederick and the nearby towns of Mead and Erie.

Graham said he checked out the 1999 reports after some 11-year-old boys returned to Sterling from a summer camp and said they had seen Whipkey unclothed at the camp.

It's not clear where the camp was. Whipkey was assigned to a Sterling church that year.

Graham said the boys told him there was no sexual contact.

More Great Stuff From Eric in Kyrgyzstan

So, I've been to a lot of internet cafes in some places that are pretty far away from God Bless America, but this one ranks as one of the most far away and one of the best.

Here is Karakol, Kyrgyzstan. That's a five hour bus ride on top of 17 hours of flying from Colorado Springs, it's on the eastern side of Lake Issuk Kul...I could go on and on about all the exotic beauty involved in getting here, but my time is limited. Suffice to say a two lane road bordered by double rows of tall, slender poplars, behind which are cultivated fields deeply green and painted by acres upon acres of yellow and pink-going-maroon flowers. Dried fish for sale twist in the breeze on roadside racks.

This cafe doubles as an art gallery. There is a crude, long table with four Dell OptiPlexes and Compaq monitors circa 1995, canvases hang on the walls, some lovely, others amateurish, there are big framed photos of the surrounding mountains. On the other side of the computer table a man works at an easel behind a partition, I plan to spy on his work on the way out. It smells of oil paint and tea and some spicy Kyrgyz soup. A pair of young women that we'd call Chinese in the states are running the show.

A few minutes ago a family of five or six came through the door, ushering in Grandma, or great grandma, a little Kyrgyz lady about four feet tall in black velveteen pants, red slippers and a white muslin shawl over her head. Her face is a complicated topograhical map of a lifetime of smiles, little sideways apostrophes for eyes, big round cheeks. They sit her in front of a monitor and cluster around as one of the propritors taps away, hunched over the keyboard. In a minute they slip a pair of headphones on her and, flash, an image of a relative pops up on the screen. It starts moving jerkily and they tell her she should start talking (I'm guessing here, a week in Kyrgyzstan hasn't really improved my Russian, they're probably speaking Kyrgyz anyway). She's skeptical, but starts shouting into the screen, and her whole face lights up when the jerky picture starts talking back. It's too precious when the image changes to that of a newborn baby, and everyone clustered around grandma sucks in their breath and says, Oh! Oh! They start taking pictures and clapping their hands. The blue glow of the screen flashes on Grandma's gold teeth.

This place is amazing.

More from the Land of Many Consonants

From Le Whitney in Kyrgyzstan:

I am reporting only minor gastrointestinal distress after 3 days of feasting, including the raw bit o'Trigger from two days ago. I am trying to avoid getting too close to smokers, as I am now sweatng pure vodka. And the local vodka tastes pretty pure, mostly I'm just gluping it out of shot glasses, not sipping it on the rox as I might a Stoli back home, but the flavor seems fine. Today I priced it in the store, 81 Som for a 750ml bottle, that's about $2.75, expect to see as much as I can carry come home in my suitcase.

So, the wedding - Saturday is the day for weddings here, and folks get hitched/sentenced at this big, multi-story cement civil temple sort of thing that I'm guessing dates from the Soviet era. They run 'em through their like a Vegas wedding chapel. I didn't time it, but would guess a new bride and groom are spit out onto the front steps about every six minutes. All the brides wear western style gowns, some beautiful, some tacky, and there are big clots of various wedding parties assembled in the square out front waiting their turns. The car is full of cars bedecked in ribbons and balloons and white stretch limos.

The groom and his parents and me and my parents show up a little early, being chauffered by a family friend with more style in his little finger than two of my bodies. I wanna go out clubbing with him after the reception, but it is not to be.

...gonna have to cut this short, the bride and groom just showed up to take us all shopping, I'm keeping my eye peeled for a little hermetically sealed pony head to bring home for you...

Open Letters: Freedom Haters Respond!

We got this letter this week. Click to enlarge:

I'll keep my response to this brief, but "Citizen" raises a couple points I'd like to address:

First, you take issue with our "anger against anger" response to Grace. Well, why not? Why aren't you angry? We take that tack that endless hug-ins aren't doing much—refer to our feud with the boring lesbians who had that really successful ten-minute protest at Focus—but that doesn't mean that protest has to have one face, does it? Let's use humor, let's use wit, let's use anger and yes, let's use boring lesbians trying to hug the hate out of Dobson. Let's use everything at our disposal, and let's figure out that it's occasionally okay to disagree with one another—that's why we're posting your letter on the blog. The gay community ain't the Borg.

Second: sure, Johnny Ryan's comics contain a lot of word choices that could be construed as homophobic, sexist or even mildly racist. But let's not overlook the fact that they're meant, first and foremost, to offend. Johnny is no more homo-hating than he is racist, but he inserts such rhetoric into his comics to get a rise out of people. We think they're hilarious. You can feel free to disagree, but then again, you don't seem to be the type to find anything very funny to begin with.

Okay, finally you say, "... You might do with an occasional pie in your own faces every now and then." Absolutely, completely and positively true. We take ourselves seriously enough to put out the paper every month and to bring the dialogue over the blog, but that doesn't mean we're self-righteous enough to insist that we're correct about everything. We at Newspeak, above all, embrace iconoclasm, and if we're the icons, so be it. Thanks for the letter.

R2D2 Mailbox

on Tejon between Pikes Peak and Kiowa (by Tequilas or whatever they call it now)