NEWSPEAK Blog

No more softballs passable journalism (even though he probably could have been tougher and stuff), and it's a sad day when his commentator heir is Mike Huckabee.

Tim Russert died this afternoon.

HULK Friday!

You probably didn't know that a small indie movie called The Incredible Hulk is opening today, because there's been next to no marketing for it and it features a completely unknown cast of actors, like Edward Norton, Liv Tyler and another young talent named Robert Downey, Jr. Let's check out these unsung performers in action:

Interesting! Let's hope that this movie, without any marketing backing or a large built-in audience, can go the distance. It's always nice to see an underdog arrive on the scene.

The Onion movie: it sucks. A lot.

I wrote earlier this week about the Onion movie, which came out on DVD on Tuesday and which I saw yesterday. I was, sadly, sort of excited for what turned out to be one of the worst movies ever.

The first clue to its impending suckitude should have been the preceding trailers, which included Epic Movie. And the feature seemed very much in that same vein; like a 90-minute-long Mad TV sketch, it was just wrong. Wrong, like easy, and terribly unfunny, the same way that Larry the Cable Guy is unfunny and easy. And what's worse, it was nearly opposite in tone to the actual Onion—ham-handed where the Onion is subtle, conservative where the Onion is progressive, loud and stupid where the Onion mocks loudness and stupidity. And seriously, the folks who are the regular butt of the Onion's social satire—mass consumers, racists, popped-collared retards—were clearly the people by whom this movie was written and to whom it's being marketed. Just execrable. This is a clip from the movie.

Compare that slackjawed hilarity (HE DONE GOT HIS WEINER STUCK IN SOMETHIN!) to this, which manages to be both funny and incisive:

Home Depot Honors Fallen Soldiers With Great Prices On Tools

All I can say is that I hope the real Onion made a fucking fortune off this, and that the people who wrote and produced this movie never work again.

She's the Independent type.

Got word today that Colorado Confidential, now under the guidance of former CS Indy editor and veteran newshound Cara De Gette, officially changed their name to the Colorado Independent. They've got a slick new site and seems like they're pulling from a wider array of political blogs. They're still not-for-profit and still operated by the Center for Independent Media, so the site re-name doesn't look like it has anything to do with our local Independent. But Cara must certainly feel right at home.

Anyway, congrats on the great new site. As soon as you need some hard-hitting, journalistic-ethics-packed reporting on puppies who sound like they're barking "Elmo! Elmo!" you know where to come.

Crazed New Mexican beast-monster mauls boy!

This is awesome—well, not the boy getting mauled part, but the "unknown animal" part:

ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — A large animal attacked a 5-year-old boy hiking with his family, seriously injuring him with puncture wounds to the head, neck and back, authorities said.

The boy, Jose Salazar Jr., was hiking near Sandia Peak and had run ahead of his parents on Saturday evening when they heard a scream, Bernalillo County Sheriff Darren White said.

The boy's parents, Jose and Charlotte Salazar, saw the animal emerge from the brush and start dragging away their son, White said. The father tried to jump on the animal's back, and it let go of the boy and fled.

White said Sunday that the animal was a mountain lion, but Ross Morgan, a spokesman for the state Department of Game and Fish, said dogs trained to track mountain lions picked up no scent in the area Saturday night or Sunday.

The sheriff's report said the father could not say what type of animal attacked the child because it happened so fast.

Jose was hospitalized in serious condition Saturday, White said. A hospital spokeswoman said Monday the family declined to make the boy's condition public.

So what was it, if not a mountain lion? A bear? Sasquatch? Harry (of ... and the Hendersons)? Nay! Nay! I say thee nay! It was, of course ...

... La Chupacabra!

Aieeeeeee!

We're number one!

We attended the Gazette''s Best Of party last night and were humbled to surprised to learn that Newspeak was honored with an award, namely "Best Place to See A Risqué Ad." We hereby accept this honor and express heartfelt thanks. We are so pleased to know you are paying attention to our advertising, if not our, er, content.

Oh, and here's the new ad we're doing for the Convention and Visitors Bureau. Mrow!

Look both ways—AT DANGER!

While KOAA was breaking the John Newsome scandal, KRDO shows us that their news can still be sensationalist and silly, when they investigated yesterday—and I am so not making this up—whether crossing the road is dangerous.

COLORADO SPRINGS - Crosswalks are supposed to be obvious, but many wonder if crosswalk signs are enough to warn drivers and pedestrians.

In November, a Colorado College student was hit crossing a crosswalk near campus. Three months later, in March, a Palmer High School teacher was hit crossing in a downtown Colorado Springs crosswalk.

NEWSCHANNEL 13 wants to know why your safety is at risk when crossing the road.

"It's really scary trying to get across," one Colorado College student says.

We've definitely discussed this topic here before. But I'm so very glad that NEWSCHANNEL 13 is devoting their energies to an investigative report.

You know what? I'm going to conduct my own investigative report right now. Be right back.

The results: I just went out and crossed the road four times, from the southwest corner of Bijou and Tejon to the southeast corner, to the northeast corner, to the northwest and finally back to the southwest. I was not hit by a car once. This is probably because I did not rocket across the road on my longboard, but instead waited for the walk signs. While I waited, I sat in the sun and smoked a cigarette (yes, I'm smoking again). It was actually pretty nice. The niceness was compounded by the not getting hit by cars, which I was able to do by paying attention to my surroundings.

So, the verdict: Is crossing the road dangerous? Yes, very. Even though I was not hit by a car, it doesn't mean that you won't be. The important thing is that you're afraid of everything, all the time, and that you tune in to NEWSCHANNEL 13 every night for new things to be afraid of. Good night, and good luck.

Title of the day ...

From the front page of today's 'Zette:

Heh-heh, "Mount."

Yet another incredible disservice from your friends at the 'Zette

This morning's Gazette starts out like this:

We keep hearing of a "health care crisis" that must be solved by government. Claptrap.

Those are strong words from the no-doubt septauginarian panel of libertarians who wrote them -- and more telling, from people who have access to adequate healthcare. The piece goes on:

Health care is a favorite topic of politicians because it reaches right into the homes and workplaces of middle America. It's candy for those who seek election with promises of safety, security and solutions to problems.

Unfortunately for candidates, the so-called health care crisis defies an honest government fix. The problem with health care is simple. It's expensive because consumption has increased more rapidly than the supply of doctors, nurses, X-ray technicians, therapists, clinics, hospitals, ad infinitum. The cost of a service in times of stagnant supply rises with growing demand, because price is simply a valve to control the release of any service, commodity or good. History's great social engineers, socialist dictators and communist thugs have failed to find a way around this.

This is wrong on so many counts, and even worse, supplies another dose of the dangerous kind of misinformation that prevents a credulous public from enacting true healthcare reform. Our problem is not a glut of demand, it's that money which should be paying for actual care is being spent elsewhere, to insurance company apparatchiks whose sole job description is denying care to their customers. Drug prices are high because it is legal in the United States for pharmaceutical companies to price-gouge. But all papers like the Gazette need to do in order to defend our current, horribly awry system is invoke the specter of, as the authors here did, "communist thugs." Thugs like, say, Sweden? Or Canada? Or our partner in the Coalition of the Willing, Britain? And what is their solution for every American to afford healthcare? Start a savings plan -- you know, will all that extra money that we have lying around.

Today's opinion page is, in short, carefully crafted and quite insidious. It's also a massive disservice to their readers and to our community. But, while the paper has certainly never shied from being doctrinaire, it's exactly this sort of puffery (claptrap, you could even say) that is preventing American health care, through sheer force of negative PR against concepts like single payer.

The 'Zette has actually been leaning toward moderate lately, which is, I think, mainly due to editor Jeff Thomas and publisher Scott McKibbon working actively against its reputation as a dour, out-of-touch right-wing rag. And "Our View" comes straight from the boardrooms of Freedom Communications, not the Gazette's editorial offices. Couldn't Thomas and the editorial staff, then, pick and choose to block those opinion pieces that he thinks will further pigeonhole the paper as the mouthpiece of John Birch Society crazies? Or are they content with passing along paranoia as news?

Oh. Of course they are.

It's happening!

As many, myself included, have been predicting for some time, a daily newspaper has finally turned off the print faucet for all but one day a week and will be going online exclusively. The New York Times reported yesterday that the Capital Times in Madison, WI is shirking its daily print edition while continuing to print two weekly supplements that will get distributed in the other local daily that will continue to print. While it's terrifying for those of us in journalism to watch, the transition is inevitable and I predict that more big city papers will only print their Sunday editions (or move toward a free weekly model with online daily content) in the coming decade. The demand for local news is never going to go away, so once the print faucet is cut off, online ad rates will start to bring more respectable revenue that will complement the savings of eliminating the print and distribution costs and, eventually, a new equilibrium will be found. I doubt that journalism will be a safe career path again anytime soon, but it's not going to go away. Obviously the switchover won't happen over night, but at some point these papers are going to have to force the issue. Watch for the dominoes to start toppling if the Capital Times is successful.