NEWSPEAK Blog

Dear the Berlin Madame Tussaud's ...

I heard that you had some difficulty during your grand opening—in particular, that the head of your wax Hitler was torn off and stolen by some guy who had some sort of problem with Hitler.

As you may know, we have a Hitler head, given to us by an anonymous chainsaw-art devotee. You're free to borrow it until you you're able to craft a new wax one. Right now Chainsaw Hitler is incognito and passes for Chainsaw Pancho Villa, but take off the sombrero and the larger 'stache and the bandolier/lei and I'm sure he'll do the job:

You're welcome.

Fair is fair.

If Florida evangelicals get to have this license plate:

... then I should get to have this one:

I'm just sayin'.

Comeuppance!

This is for myself and every skateboarder I know whose boards were stolen while we were pushed around, verbally abused and harangued by police officers who had nothing better to do than pick on skinny 14-year-olds with skateboards.

The cop here, due to this video, was suspended from the Baltimore police force. One small step for mankind. (The last three seconds are priceless: "You got that camera on? Cuz if I find myself on—")

West Side to be Less High

This from "crack" Denver Post reporter Erin Emery:

COLORADO SPRINGS — Area law enforcement agents found a marijuana cultivation operation in a home on the city's west side.
Colorado Springs police patrol officers John Chadbourne and Troy Lindvall received a tip that a large amount of marijuana could be found at 501 Argus Drive.
Other officers were called in to help and on Friday night, police conducted a "knock and talk" investigation. When 31-year-old Anthony Cappiello opened the front door, officers were struck by an overwhelming smell of marijuana.
In all, investigators seized 342 marijuana plants, 3.2 pounds of of refined marijuana, 63 grams of Psilocybin mushrooms, 161.9 grams of Peyote, and three (3) firearms. The majority of the plants were labeled "AK," a grade of marijuana with higher lovels of THC.
Narcotics agents estimated the street value of the drugs at between $350,100 and nearly $404,000.
Cappiello is being held at the El Paso County Criminal Justice Center on numerous drug charges

Ir de compras para la Navidad, BCS, Mexico

Posted sans comment.

(Via Pinkisthenewblog.)

Five Finger Attitude Adjustment

This evening I randomly happened to catch a few moments of  KOAA's "Children First" segment they air periodically. It covered the reason behind temper tantrums of toddlers, and how to say no to your child... not very astounding information. What was astounding, however, was one comment made by newscaster James Jarman following the segment. After another woman newscaster made a statement about the feature, Jarman chimed in by stating, "What ever happened to the five finger attitude adjustment?"
I can understand the usual idiotic pun, joke, comment, whatever... but this was a little disturbing.

Obama on SNL ...

Like, most SNL sketches, it's way too long and pretty unfunny. But hey, Obama. Playing Obama. I dunno, whatever.

(Don: SNL is Saturday Night Live, a sketch comedy program that airs on Saturday evenings on NBC. Barack Obama is a Democratic presidential candidate.)

An open letter to San Diego.

Dear San Diego,

I am very sorry you are burning to the ground. You are hands-down the best city in Southern California and I regret any troubles you are going through.

Do you remember when I lived in you for a month? It was during the 2000 election and while I was there to do my thesis research at your excellent, now evacuated zoo, it was quite prescient of your citizens to become so angry at the election's outcome. One night, I went into the excellent taqueria around the corner from my hotel and watched, with the place's crew and customers, the announcement that Gore had conceded. People were shaking their fists, or crying, or muttering with rage, and that made me love you, San Diego. You are so much better than L.A.

San Diego, you are home to some of the most beautiful scenery in Southern California. Your city contains both slick gentrified areas and scummy urban stretches, all of them idiosyncratic. You host an excellent array of arts and sciences. You have bonobos. You are a tropical paradise and I don't want you to burn down. Please get well soon.

Fondly,

Aaron.

Bats, the awesomest animals.

Yesterday's Gazette ran an article about a community hubbub involving the cleaning of the Community Prep School attic, which will dislodge approximately 600 little brown bats. "Waaa!" go the community residents. "We hate bats!"

Shut up, you. Bats are good for you in every way. First, they eat insects. Then, they teach your youngsters about the thrills of flying and the usefulness of their poop in making gunpowder and fertilizer. Then, they bite you and you turn into a vampire. Everybody wins! The bats get to continue to be awesome and you spend eternity as the sexy undead!

This is my neighborhood, where I enjoy seeing the dusk flocks of hundreds of bats as they use their crazy sonar, so I feel I have to weigh in, and I'll weigh in thusly-ish: Let the bats be. Animal Control will build bat houses, but it's likely we'll be seeing a lot more of them sleeping the day away in our eaves. Don't flip out and hit them with brooms. Thank you.